2022 Reflections
Stop trying my message that was sent during Jon Hopkin’s performance at Wilderness. Stop trying you are enough, I sat up as it came to an end with tears streaming down my face the message had been so loud and clear. I reflected and realised that I had been trying SO hard for as long as I could remember in all aspects of my life struggling to feel enough. I had moved from an industry that never felt like home journeyed to find myself and something that lit me up but had taken a lot of the conditioning and principles over to that also. In March 2022 I felt really lost, confused and stuck nothing felt easy instead it felt exhausting, lonely and I retreated. My word for the year was align and I defiantly did not feel that.
Whilst I thought my business needed my attention actually it was myself. My low self worth was like a brick wall that sometimes I could break through but eventually would build itself up again. Despite gaining a lot more awareness and working on it my self worth for the past few years it was still holding me back, I joined Sophie Dear’s self worth group and found deeper peace through the group coaching and the online content. My communication got better within my relationships, I could push myself further, I saw situations with a new perspective. I was aware. I grew through beautiful business mentors Emily Tyson and Olivia Iasonos who helped guide me and showed me ways to expand. Anna Jordane held space and allowed me to join the dots and make big realisations such as not only was it the feeling of not being enough but not having enough around me led me to feeling unsafe. Wilderness really was a turning point in my summer and so was the authenticity I felt at Medicine Festival selling my beloved bracelets. I needed to create space, we needed to create space. We needed to live. We booked two trips back to back and before we knew it we were living our dream driving through France into Spain in our Campervan Olive. We lived in a heart led intuitive way for 2 months resetting our nervous system, moving on when we felt called, not stopping in places that didn’t feel aligned. We didn’t listen to the should’s that previously had dictated our lives. We lived simply everything were needed in a 5 by 1.5 meter space. The sea was our bath, the mountains our sanctuary, the sun our healer. We were decondtitioning.
We landed back in the UK said a heartbreaking goodbye to Lenny (our rescue dog) who was staying with my parents, managed to hug most of my closest friends and flew to Mexico. Mexico welcomed us with its warmth we embraced the culture and completely fell in love with adventure again. I learnt how important nature is to me and the anxieties that are brought up for me in city life. I learnt to slllooww down and really capture the essence of the place. I saw how ‘not being enough’ had weaved its way through every aspect of my life. For along time seeing a country involved running around seeing everything possible no matter how exhausted I felt. I redefined what travel is to me, what life is to me. I detached my worth from money possibly too much but 90% of the time trusting it will flow with ease. I learnt to trust life (most of the time), I discovered I am so held by such incredible people that walk my life with me and appreciated the space I had created for people to come in who nourish and inspire me. Guatemala was so soft and gentle, supporting and expanding my growth. What am I most grateful for this year.. time and space. That we were able to create the space and said yes to living, there’s always a reason to say no or not do something. It’s often easier to say no but to expand you need to create space. Gift yourself time, I am not saying it has to be a 5 month trip but just to capture the essence of time to create that space to create, to live, to just be and that is my biggest lesson and take away from 2022. Live the life you want to live, don’t apologies for it, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone but yourself make yourself happy. Create the space for life to unravel in front of you in the way it’s meant to and find the beauty in the lessons that surprise you, stop trying, stop overcomplicating.
My word for 2023 is expansive
I am expansive with simplicity and ease
